Relationships and Growth
By Rinatta Paries

Most people have a fantasy about relationships. It goes something like this:

One day they will meet their ideal partner. This person will understand them completely and will easily connect with them. There will be no arguments. Everything will be perfect. Magic will happen and will continue forever.

The reality of relationships is quite different. An intimate relationship is one of the most powerful opportunities for personal growth. And growth — even for the most transformed person — often brings pain. But it also brings incredible joy. Relationships are akin to life - sometimes sublime and sometimes challenging. As with life, the amount of satisfaction you derive depends on how much you are willing to move outside of your comfort zone.

Sometime between three and twelve months into a relationship, a couple enters a period of struggle. During this time, the couple begins having disagreements and one or both partners blame the difficulties on the other. This period lasts approximately one year, depending on the individuals. In my coaching practice I have seen this happen to every couple, without exception.

The couple is actually establishing the rules of conduct for the relationship. Each partner, having grown up in a different family culture, has different conduct rules. Since these rules are subconscious, neither is aware they are enforcing their own standards. For example, a woman may have been raised in a family where feelings were not expressed and communicating her feelings was scorned. Her partner was raised in a family with excessive emotional closeness and sharing. While she may not expect any emotional expression and sharing in the relationship, her partner does.

The couple’s task during this period is to create a shared set of rules that are independent of their respective family dynamics. Each one must look inside and discover what they want from this relationship. This requires a strong commitment to the relationship and detachment from family patterns.

Without realizing it, most people are deeply loyal to their family patterns and beliefs. Each partner will believe that his approach is the correct one. If and when the other partner does not comply, he will be made wrong and attempts will be made to force compliance.

This period in the relationship is frustrating and painful. This is the point where most relationships end. The key ingredient to the survival of the relationship is the willingness of each partner to grow. Both must be willing to rework their rules of conduct and meet in the middle. If one partner becomes unwilling to grow and change, the relationship is functionally over. A vital, dynamic, loving partnership cannot exist when one partner exerts his will over the other. The relationship will eventually end with both people deeply wounded.

Relationships are not the way they are portrayed in fairy tales. The beauty of relationships is that they are an opportunity for each partner to transform. Growth will be painful at times because it will require each partner to go beyond what they know about relationships. If you are unwilling to look within yourself and move outside your comfort zone, then stay single and date casually. If you are willing to grow, you will reap the benefits of a dynamic, loving partnership.

The Independent Woman and the Metrosexual Man
By The Advice Diva

A lot of people are starting to wonder why dating in the big city has suddenly become such a perplexing and complicated experience. And when, exactly, did this happen? The dating scene has always been a little troublesome for some people and could even feel like more of a chore than what should be a fun time. But lately the single jungle of

Houston

and other large cities are changing and evolving into more complex designs of mass confusion. We seem to be moving faster and faster into complete chaos rather than assimilating into the well preserved roles that our mothers and fathers laid out for us.

Gender roles are changing and this is the basic concept that is generally holding many of us back from entering successful relationships. More and more people are remaining single for longer periods of time. Part of this is because we are finding it difficult to accept and understand the new gender roles of our mates, even if we, ourselves, are holding to those new standards.

The roles of women have gone through the most dramatic changes. They have changed more in the last two generations than in the last two millenniums. Due to mass media, urbanization and politics, women have achieved equality to men in education and the workplace and everywhere else you look. And thanks to the sexual revolution, we have freed our minds. Women are now able to support themselves and raise their own children without the help of a man, thus escaping the traditional role of "mother" and "wife". Our new found independence is something we fear giving back. The independent woman does not want to be controlled or told what to do. She will never again be the docile little lamb once sought after for marrying purposes.

This change in the lives of women in large cities has led to a second major change, this one in men. Men have moved from being the gruff, rugged males to becoming "metrosexual" (a term coined by gay journalist Mark Simpson). Men have started to take over some of the duties that women had always controlled. There are women working alongside these men in the office. And thanks to sexually homogenous advertising, the meterosexual has been created. This new male breed has matching ensembles for every occasion, never has a bad hair day, loves manicures and smells like roses. He has no problem shopping, attending the opera and buying new shoes. The metrosexual is completely in touch with his feminine side but there is just one thing: he is straight.

Suddenly, the roles that we are used to having our mates fill are no longer being filled. The metrosexual is now asking why he has to pay for every date, open doors and pick a woman up at her door since the women are now so independent and financially equal. Yet these men still secretly yearn for that woman who will do the housework and raise the children just like mom did. The independent woman has become too afraid to give back that independence she worked so hard for only to begin relying more on a man than herself. Why should she when the danger still lies of being tossed aside one day? Yet, in her heart, she also desires the manly man who will sweep her off of her feet and take away all of her problems, just like her daddy once did.

We have now entered what appears to be a never ending cycle that can only be broken by trust. The once praised nuclear family with the hard working father and stay at home mother is slowly dissipating. From now on, men and women will be taking on more equal roles in relationships and families. The question is: when will we become comfortable enough to let it happen?

Meet the metrosexual 

He’s well dressed, narcissistic and obsessed with butts. But don’t call him gay.

How do I know? Well, perhaps it takes one to know one, but to determine a metrosexual, all you have to do is look at them. In fact, if you’re looking at them, they’re almost certainly metrosexual. The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they’re pretty much everywhere.

For some time now, old-fashioned (re)productive, repressed, unmoisturized heterosexuality has been given the pink slip by consumer capitalism. The stoic, self-denying, modest straight male didn’t shop enough (his role was to earn money for his wife to spend), and so he had to be replaced by a new kind of man, one less certain of his identity and much more interested in his image — that’s to say, one who was much more interested in being looked at (because that’s the only way you can be certain you actually exist). A man, in other words, who is an advertiser’s walking wet dream.

(Cited from www.salon.com)

A metrosexual is defined as a dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side.

According to The Word Spy, Mark Simpson coined the term "metrosexual" in 1994, in an article in The Independent. His description of someone who is a metrosexual was printed on the internet’s Salon.com. He wrote, "The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis – because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference." – Mark Simpson, "Meet the metrosexual," Salon.com, July 22, 2002

Metrosexual–

an urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle (aesthete, bon vivant, epicure, sensualist)

I’ll be there for you ~ Jang Na Ra

How could it be…

Why am I seeing you in my dreams?

My tears keep dropping gently

Almost a year now

When can I open my birthday present?

My heart was trapped in the photo

Just keeping me from crying

I’ll be there for you

You took away my love

The footsteps just keep getting closer

It makes me feel excited

I’m just looking forward

I miss you every morning

Afraid that I will forget, so once again I call your name

Give it back to me…

You have took away my love

The footsteps just keep getting nearer

It makes me feel excited

I just looking forward

You are not willing to hate me

And always be there for me before disappearing

I’ll be there for you

Never leave you alone again

Never let farewell happens again

Give it back to me..

You have took away my love

The footsteps just keep getting nearer

It makes me feel excited

I’m just looking forward

Artist/Song name- Avril Lavigne- When you’re gone lyrics
From the album- "The best damn thing"

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I’d need you there when I cried

And the days feel like years when I’m alone

And the bed where you lie

Is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always

get me through the day

And make it ok

I miss you

I never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left that lie on the floor

And it smelt just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always

get me through the day

And make it ok

I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were

And all I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can’t hardly breath I need to feel you here with me

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always

get me through the day

And make it ok

I miss you…

Just for you, I missed Desperate Housewives tonight, just to keep my promise… Hope you like the cake… ~Elaine~

I still think of you..but you only appear in my dreams..never thought of letting you go..as feelings are growing deeper day by day..i feel you in my bones whenever you’re near me..you give me that chill no one else can..seeing each day go wasted without having to glimpse at you, it just makes me sigh..why is it so? should i let you go??

Kenangan Terindah by Samsons album:

Aku yang lemah tanpamu Aku yang rentan karena Cinta yang t'lah hilang Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku Selama mata terbuka Sampai jantung tak berdetak Selama itu pun aku mampu Untuk mengenangmu Darimu kutemukan hidupku Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati Chorus : Bila yang tertulis untukku Adalah yang terbaik untukmu Kan kujadikan kau Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku Namun takkan mudah bagiku Meninggalkan jejak hidupku Yang t'lah terukir abadi Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Daniel Powter

You packed your last two bags.
The taxi’s ’round the bend.
You used to laugh out loud,
But you can’t remember when.
You lost your lies.
It’s like you’re moving out of time,
And the whole word crumbles right beneath you.

So, I might’ve made a few mistakes,
But that was back when you would smile,
And we would go everywhere,
But we ain’t been there for awhile.
And this I know,
There’s a place that we can go-
A place where I can finally let you know.

‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
We’re the only one’s that around,
We’re the only one’s that around this

Babylon

.

I hope you find whatever you’ve been lookin’ for.
Just remember where you’re from and who you are,
‘Cause there’s a thousand lights that’ll make you feel brand new,
But if you ever lose your way, I’ll be right here for you.

‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
So, come back and you sit down. Relax.
Everything’s to see that you’ve come a long, long way,
And it’s the place that you should be.

‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
And we’re the only one’s that around,
We’re the only one’s that around this

Babylon

.

My Chemical Romance ~ I Don’t Love You

Well when you go
Don’t ever think I’ll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I’ll be off to find another way

When after all this time that you still owe
You’re still a good-for-nothing I don’t know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don’t love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
Is where you oughta stay

When after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar’s just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"Hey…I don’t love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday…hey…hey"

I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday…hey…hey

I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterdaaayyyyy